Things I Learned In 2013


Well, whadya know? It’s almost the end of 2013. I don’t know about you, but I personally found it a fairly hit and miss year. But it wasn’t without its lessons. Here’s a bunch of Things I Learned in 2013.

  • All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.
  • Apparently, being Pope is a job that’s just as easy to quit as ‘McDonald’s assistant.’
  • People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.
  • Someone should’ve probably elected Mitt Romney.
  • Paul Walker’s friends can’t drive.
  • Even though we DON’T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as “news.”
  • Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.
  • The “Hunger Games” movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.
  • Well, whatever we learned the government definitely learned, too.
  • It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.
  • Eventually, we will have seen every former Disney child star naked.
  • No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.
  • Even shady offshore porn companies can build better websites than the US government.
  • If you don’t write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won’t remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.
  • Amanda Bynes has really shitty taste in wigs.
Neal Mayhem
By Neal Mayhem

2 Responses to Things I Learned In 2013

  1. Lisa Hewitt Golden says:

    Thank you, Neal, for reminding me to NOT immortalize my soon-to-be-forgotten resolutions on the internet. I was dangerously close to committing myself and that never goes well.

  2. Neal Mayhem says:

    I'm delighted to have kept you on path, Lisa. In fact, I think you
    should eat MORE!