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Pope Benedict is resigning from his position of leader of the Catholic Church. He says it’s due to old age and ill health. I have my suspicions that there may be more to it. Here’s my  list of Real Reasons For The Pope’s Resignation.

• It’s amazing how quickly you can get sick of your breakfast servant cracking the same old “Eggs, Benedict?” joke.

• He wants to follow in Oprah’s steps and launch a cable network that nobody watches.
• There are things on his Bucket List he still wants to do.  Like, have sex with something other than a child.
• It’s easier to point at homosexuals and instruct them to burn in hell when you’re not wearing heavy robes.
• Ok, so, you have experienced how boring one mass is, yes? Try seven off those. Per week.
• He’s about 13 episodes behind on  ”Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and wants to catch up.
• He wants to follow his dream of sitting in Starbucks all day, crafting his romantic-comedy screenplay.
• He just found out that Harry Styles and Taylor Swift broke up, and he’s decided there must be no god.